Disturbia

Welcome to my head. Oh come on, what’s with that surprised look? Maybe you didn’t expect this? Yeah, you can’t tell by my appearance that my mind is a real beast. Do I look scary with a bloody knife in my hand, with eyes glowing with insanity, with a gaping hole where my heart used to be? Don’t be shocked, after all, you were the one who helped my mind to victory. You can’t have reckoned with my going disturbed. Still you proved I shouldn’t have listened to my heart again, that it decoyed, humiliated me.

So, to prevent it from betraying me one more time, I exterminated the root of the problem. Do you think it was too much? Am I out of my mind? You’re wrong, I’ve never been more awake before. I’m finally not blinded by emotions, I can see with my mind’s eye exactly who you really are, that you’re a coward, a liar, a traitor, someone to be detested. Oh, you don’t like my opinion? What did you expect me to do? To look for the day to see you again after you have been pretending ignorant for years? You’re even naïve. But you can’t outdo me, not at all.

Anyway, it’s time for revenge. I have already shown my heart how someone who hurts me ends up, now it’s your turn. Oh, you’re not afraid, are you? Shall I feel sorry for you? Sorry, I don’t have anything to do it with. You see, the little bastard is rotting here in my hand. How innocent it is, now, that it doesn’t beat anymore, isn’t it? It’s powerless, defenseless, just like I was when I let it poison my blood, and, together with it, my mind, But it’s over. It’s not pulsating anymore, it won’t start beating faster just because you’re close to me. Do you feel sorry for it? Here, you can have it. It has always been yours anyway, but now you can exhibit it as a trophy, with the title ‘How someone who falls for me ends up’. Feel fre to laugh with your buddies.

Oh, you don’t feel like laughing now? It’s a pity, because I’ve just found a great new form of fun for you. And you don’t even have to lift a finger. I’ll simply show you the uplifting freedom caused by the lack of my heart. Don’t you want me to? Oh come on, don’t be afraid, it won’t hurt. You won’t feel anything, could you want any better gift? You’ll still have your thoughts, of course, but they won’t be blurred by feeble human feelings. You would like to remain human? Why, am I not? You’ve got a point. I don’t feel like one anyway. Yeah, I can read your thoughts from your face, I’m rather like a zombie with the amount of life you’ve left in me.

Would I be a monster? Just because I want revenge? Still, you see, I only want to help with this. Of course, with such an empty heart like yours, it is possible that nothing will change. Let’s see, what I shall rid you of. Your brain? Why, you don’t use it anyway. Your soul? That’s not my style. You know what? I won’t change anything. Not as if you were so damned perfect. I just have a better idea. I’d rather make you want to get rid of your feelings, thoughts, dreams, the voices in your head yourself, push you to the edge of madness due to the fact that you’re a human. You will be begging for me to look at you, to leave you alone, to get out of your head, your nightmares, but I won’t, only when you are ready for the freedom I indulge in now. And I’ll be enjoying every minute of torturing you. You will curse the day when you met me.

Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t want you to hate me. I guess it’s a little late for that. Hate yourself.. Just like I was blaming myself when I should have been blaming you all along. I want you to know how it feels like to watch your own execution. As your own hangman. What a show it will be…! I’ll be watching it from the first row, and I will collect your drained blood to get a taste of what others call life.